wearing my tan on my sleeve

I've been doing a few things that are out of character.

I've always been too self-conscious to take off my shirt. Getting in the pool was always a mental battle. I had to convince myself that it didn't matter what I looked like. I laid by the pool today shirtless.

I guess it started when I bought a sleeveless shirt from Amercian Apparel. Just going in there is like, I don't know, a practice in playing it cool. I know I probably stand out like square in a circle shop, but I try to keep it together. I may not be one of you, I think, but I'm sure as hell trying to act like it.

So I wore it to pick up Bek and she laughed, like I knew she would. It's all related to this body building thing. It'll be strange and funny but then it'll be normal. I'm trying not to take myself too seriously here.

Back to the point of this post, I wore my sleeveless Mexico jersey to Jazz Fest, laid shirtless in the park with Same, wore the AA shirt to the bike shop and then just now took off my shirt by the pool while I read. Oh, and I'm doing it to get rid of my tan line, not to show off. I'm not that comfortable with my body. I'll show the guns first, then maybe later the whole arsenal.

(By the way, I'm trying to reflect more, assess my feelings more in this endevour. Because I'm realizing, as I read a book for my summer course -the book is called The Ethnographic I- that the emotion is, actually, where it's at. If I don't reveal how this effects me, what I really think about it all, then you readers will never connect. Oh, and while I was hoping this book would help with my Peace Corps book, I am finding that this story will be a good candidate as well. Maybe even the bike building thing could turn into an essay. Also, this blog thing really is turning out to be a good way record my thoughts. And it'll be helpful to go back and see how I felt in contrast to how I feel when I read it.)