Parkour, negatives and Eve Ensler

I used to tell myself that I knew the secret to looking good. I knew that it didn't matter what you looked like on the outside. I knew that the most beautiful people I knew were beautiful because of something within. And that's what I told myself. I knew the secret. I mostly thought of this when I got dressed for school. Didn't matter what I wore. Didn't matter that I didn't have the nicest clothes. It was all within. Didn't matter that I couldn't find an acceptable way to fix my hair. It was all within, and it had a name: confidence.

Good workout today. I had thought that I might have to ride my bike to the swing set, since my knee was acting funny. But it felt fine this morning and I started jogging. I felt slow, like dead weight. But not too slow. And I remembered something I hadn't remembered in a while.

Parkour. I didn't stop when a car was coming and I wanted to cross the street. I kept going and cut over when it was clear. I jumped off the curbs. I cleared the median. I jump on the jungle gym and ducked under the chain and went down the slide.

I did some reading online before I left about chin ups. I learned that a chin up is very similar to a pull up - chin ups are done with palms facing me, pull ups with palms out. Pull ups are harder but work the lats better. I learned that they're both hard, actually. Some tips to get started where to mix pull ups and chin ups, keep trying, and to do negatives. That means jumping up and slowing letting yourself down.

I did 7 chin ups, 3 pull ups, 5 more chin ups and then 7 pull up negatives. When I looked in the mirror before my shower it seemed my lats where bigger, giving me more of that "sting ray" look. That V.

A funny thing about the bicep curls: my left seems to be weaker than my right. Could be that I'm more tired after the run. Maybe I'll switch the bi's and tri's.

Oh, and I found a cd of Eve Ensler reading her play The Good Body. It's about her and other women spending their lives hating their bodies. I bought it on a whim from Goodwill. I want to listen to it again, it just finished, because it's related to what I'm doing here. Changing my body with the idea that it'll make me happier. I know this has been talked about forever, and I don't want to try to talk about something that I don't really understand, but thinking about it today as I listened to Eve, it reminded me of that theory I mentioned above. And it reminded of that word: confidence.

wearing my tan on my sleeve

I've been doing a few things that are out of character.

I've always been too self-conscious to take off my shirt. Getting in the pool was always a mental battle. I had to convince myself that it didn't matter what I looked like. I laid by the pool today shirtless.

I guess it started when I bought a sleeveless shirt from Amercian Apparel. Just going in there is like, I don't know, a practice in playing it cool. I know I probably stand out like square in a circle shop, but I try to keep it together. I may not be one of you, I think, but I'm sure as hell trying to act like it.

So I wore it to pick up Bek and she laughed, like I knew she would. It's all related to this body building thing. It'll be strange and funny but then it'll be normal. I'm trying not to take myself too seriously here.

Back to the point of this post, I wore my sleeveless Mexico jersey to Jazz Fest, laid shirtless in the park with Same, wore the AA shirt to the bike shop and then just now took off my shirt by the pool while I read. Oh, and I'm doing it to get rid of my tan line, not to show off. I'm not that comfortable with my body. I'll show the guns first, then maybe later the whole arsenal.

(By the way, I'm trying to reflect more, assess my feelings more in this endevour. Because I'm realizing, as I read a book for my summer course -the book is called The Ethnographic I- that the emotion is, actually, where it's at. If I don't reveal how this effects me, what I really think about it all, then you readers will never connect. Oh, and while I was hoping this book would help with my Peace Corps book, I am finding that this story will be a good candidate as well. Maybe even the bike building thing could turn into an essay. Also, this blog thing really is turning out to be a good way record my thoughts. And it'll be helpful to go back and see how I felt in contrast to how I feel when I read it.)

Back in the Saddle

Two days straight, Monday and Tuesday, I was in thy gym. I drank my protein and did my ab work. I did some new stuff, too. Inspired by the routines I mentioned in my last post, I added the French Press (a tricep excercise with dumbells, replacing the machine), a Dumbell Row (replacing the machine row) and Arnold-inspired chin-ups. I read that he did different kinds of chin ups, behind the back, using v-shaped bars. He could do 50.

I couldn't find a place to do the chin-ups in the apartment complex but I thought maybe I could use some of the playground equipment on Jeff Davis. So I jogged there. The first time I've jogged since soccer ended. Slow going (and now my right knee hurts again). The first jungle gym was no good. I jogged past Canal and found a swing set. There weas a construction crew working on a restaurant nearby, and I was a bit self conscious. This happens to me sometimes. When I'm doing something that might draw attention to myself. Like biking, or waiting for a bus. But I told myself I was in New Orleans, not Lake Charles, and they probably wouldn't give it a second thought.

I did 10 chin-ups. 5, then 3, then 2. I loved it, though. I felt weak and with that I felt the need to strengthen. I know the reps will only go up.

back in the saddle?

This week I worked out twice, doing the more-reps-less-weight thing. Next week I should be right on. I'll try this workout for now, but I found a few back ups from a Natural Bodybuilding website, NANBF.org.